By Samuel Strait, Reporter at Large – September 4, 2021 In a last gasp effort to capture the spirit of a fast fading summer vacation, millions of people celebrate the gatekeeper holiday, Labor Day, before the all too soon crisp cool days of Autumn send us towards another even cooler winter. It is normally a time for that last barbecue, camping trip, or even a quick escape to the cooling temperatures of a local ocean shore side community with family, friends, and even sometimes your neighbors. It is a time for small town community events to roll out for the entertainment of visitors in communities at a time when a much needed rest from jobs, and the cares of the world are available for the taking Halt, Stop, Wait a minute! Here in Crescent City, and Del Norte County, the brakes have been put on all such frivolity by the local Covid Mafia. No such events allowed unless you are vaccinated thrice, wear three masks, and dress up like you are going to rob a local convenience store for its supply of "Sugar Oatmilk Shaken Espresso". Oh, and don't forget to socially distance while waving a virtue signaling finger at the cowering masked clerk behind his protective shield of plexiglass as you make a fast exit in the self driving mode of your brand new Tesla. Never fear, it has been announced that the Crescent City Pool will remain open to service all disappointed Covid cowerers, and you may shop till you drop at any major big box store, space available. You may be required to wear a large cow bell to announce your presence to any others who share your aisle space, but hey, Chinese Communist developed ankle trackers are but a moment in time away. Of course you may not find Ivermectin loaded on shelves in the Pharmacy section, can't possibly cut into Pfizer's bottom line, but Dr. Faucci's latest video on the efficacy of vaccines should be readily available. It should give great comfort to those that still believe "safety from Covid is just around the corner". Maybe the jail cell image for those that are only vaccinated twice is a bit over the top, but when the third jab is on the cusp of mass distribution, Dr. Aaron Stutz would be proud of his forward thinking. Shame on those that continue to float the edicts of Public Health to shop in the dead of night loading up on the staples of "building a better barbecue". Heaven forbid anyone should actually have a relaxing, fun filled holiday from the cares of the world in your back yard around the picnic table with a beer drinking maskless mob of friends and relatives. Pray tell what could you be thinking? After all, there might never be another holiday, ever. Oh wait, they are already being cancelled as we speak. After all drum circles, the kite festival, and the car rally are but signs of the unwashed "just having fun", no need for that to happen. Maybe, just maybe, an email to CEO Hanna at what passes for a hospital will halt the virus in its tracks. He seems to have a better Doomsday Tracker than the local Public Health Department and "Dr. Aaron Stutz". He can tell in advance when a patient in his "Facility" will die from the virus. Must be of great comfort to the Bean Counters at company headquarters. All that hysteria driven fear mongering will have his beds of prospective candidates lined up to become his latest statistic. Just think, less than a week of indoctrination at public schools, it is reported that 300 students are already on "holiday" from the rigors of in class education. Unfortunately for them the cell doors closed before having the opportunity for some barbecue fun. But wait, maybe you were fortunate enough to have gotten a jab or two and a window will be provided for you in your cell. Nah, forget that, you probably haven't had a third jab, brick up that window! Call the cops, an illegal gathering is sighted. Arrest those miscreants and throw away the key! The thought police will kill us all before the virus even has had its chance. And Happy Labor Day to all illegal gatherings and don't forget to catch Jim Thompson's "Dear Diary: Musings of a Leftist Soccer Mom", it will put a smile on your face.